In the hospital, physician father.
- Can you jump for joy, you have triplets born!.
- Doctor, I would have jumped, so the first floor.
- The plane crashed in Australia. Ira, proclaim it somehow mildly.
- Citizens, greeters plane from Australia, - go home.
Nuclear Waste Depot requires fasovschitsa.
Born - the Soviet Union collapsed, went to school - start defaulting, came to the university - the crisis hit. After graduating from university - End of the World. The generation of suckers.
Policeman slows the car:.
- You sign '40 ' saw?.
- saw.
- Then why were going for $ 100 faster?.
His wife cooked dinner, sitting, try something very terrible, too, feel sorry for the cat. husband waits.
- Sasha, I launched the film, as it is in English. I press Ctrl Shift while he is still in English.
Cold are such that freeze suicide raid.
Putin said at a press conference:.
- I do not understand this fuss over the election! .
president, there will be! .
- Vladimir Putin, some hoodlums hung out on the waterfront a huge slogan ...
- It's not hooligans, this is the voice of the people. We'll have to go to the post of prime minister.
- Where are you, Mr Putin?.
- The presidents of Russia.
I possess a special skill, I can open the cupboard, put things and slam the door before they begin to fall out from there.
You know, there is nothing to extend the human hand as a shell fell in the toilet recently purchased, favorite iPhone.
... Thank you, Grandpa, my desire is really celebrated!.
Sergey Smirnov, 2nd pogranrota Crimea '.
Light and Pasha sent the questionnaire to test for compatibility. The answer, oddly enough came the negative. They decided to divorce, even though they tried to dissuade children and grandchildren....
A young lawyer asks the old:.
- Solomon Moiseevich, name the best day of your career.
- The most successful day was when I won five in a row of ships.
- But other lawyers win the day, and more!.
- Young man, I won five ships in the cards from the director of the Odessa Shipping!.
pharmacy. Young people:.
- Give me two pregnancy test.
Suddenly he breaks away who came to read SMS. whisper:.
- Your mother well, and the day.
loudly:.
- Give me three pregnancy test.
Standing at the post two hot Estonian gaytsa. The eldest, Janis, a little itch:.
- I sing -too -oo-oo, from tolyu - th -th. Are you there yet m - pok- guard -l -l.
Moves into the bushes, Jr. with the radar aims at machine. Here foreign car flies past at breakneck speed. Junior saw indications of radar, shouting:.
- I - anise, it is exceeded s power - speed- Th! .
- What's that you have the same t- a- toi -and- Rm, p - trill - ah!.
BOOM, BA- BOOM.
- T that is not in me, I'm a- trelyay. According to a count - a- leesam trelyaay!.
BOOM, BA- BOOM.
- T -ta - no n on on- a- Ashim count -le- esam!.
Today I called the clinic:.
- I have coupons to the urologist.
- At half past five?.
- Uh. no potency until it feels good, my therapist is sent to a urologist, there is a suspicion that something with the kidneys.
- ( A laugh, after a pause) Pass 17. 30 suits you?.
If you are too lazy to wash the mug, which in a raid on tea - a cacao drink from it. after this mug will be sufficient only to rinse.
The generalized forecast of financial analysts on the dynamics of the dollar in 2012: ...
An experienced guide can not train at home to get a jet in a quiet standing toilet.
Patience is a Russian's limited amounts of the cheeks, it may substitute.
So how to walk until the morning so ' little more', and how to eat is not cooked, so ' a mare, 17 years old maid, but she does not eat cooked '! )).
It is hard to find in a dark room, black socks, if they do not smell.
George 's wife gave birth to eight children Kuklachev. Seven were given one, beautiful, have left a.
The ideal man does not drink, does not smoke, does not play at the races, never argues, and there is no.
- Dad, what does the word ' taken aback '?.
- Well, this is how it ohuel type!.
All Internet loves cats, because they have to walk the dog three times a day and a half hours without a company.
Who could have imagined that my father 's uncle Theodore from ' Buttermilk ' was a programmer: a sweater, with a beard and protect the cat.
Smile more often, and you will smile Thicket.
I hate when you go, hurrying somewhere ahead of you And fuck someone walking a snail's pace in a coma and around it can not get the.
Rush hour, crowded cars, people are pressed as they can, and the last guy in the car is placed, and in his hands a box from radio. He stands face-to- door. At this point, under the ' Sliding Doors ', the guy standing on the platform, a guy pulls out a box and runs away. The doors are closed. The car in shock, everyone is looking at man. He realized what had happened, provides: ' Shit! .
In the bus was cold, and to warm up a little, Andrew sparked ethnic strife with the driver Arsen.
Weapons must be stored in a case.
That's why women wear bras.
Conversation between two friends:.
- Count up, his wife said, ' I'll cook something tasty '.
- And?.
- But a good laugh.
Google: we have completely revised the search algorithms and made it a personalized. Yandex: but we have to mail a new topic with deer.
The surest way to know the girl was asleep or not, ask her: ' You sleep, you fool e / anutaya? '.
At the end of a long dark tunnel, and the guy tells the girl:.
- The construction of the tunnel took 9 million dollars!.
- Nothing, it was worth it, - said the girl, putting her panties.
Little Johnny asked at the pharmacy:.
- Do you have any reliable anesthetic?.
- Boy, what hurts?.
- Nothing, but my father had gone to the parents' meeting.
One Spa Visitor wrote on a rock near the sea, ... Wonderful!.
Vanya ...
Soon there was another near the inscription: ... Much better!.
Pete ...
The policeman stops the car:.
- Why does your passenger is not wearing a seat belt?.
- Do not be afraid, Captain, this is my mother-in-law - it is today, attention!.
wife:.
- You bastard!. Scoundrel!. Bastard!. I 'm from you!. Between us all over!. Give me the money for a ticket, the creature, I am going to my mother!.
Her husband handed her the money.
- Brock! .
- Honey, I like sekc - bomb?.
- Perhaps more on the petard of sex: a lot of noise, but did not really look at what.
Man goes to the pet store.
- Give the parrot!.
- Nope, have ended!.
- Damn, everything is there, no one to talk, any grandmother cry, let the parrot!.
Thought - thought tint owl, sold.
A week later comes a happy, attendants sorites:.
- Thank you, guys!.
- Is talking about?.
- No, but as a listening!.
The husband returns home before the time of the trips, walks into the bedroom, in bed with her lover 's wife.
W - wait, I'll explain. I was just very lonely and I got into the sex shop for women Robot. Look at it as a living.
M - ( happily ) cool! .
Bends lover cancer, but he strongly compress the buttocks.
M. - Hell, the member does not fit. Honey, bring me some knife.
Wife of terror. And then the lover turns around and says, electric voice:.
- Che -lo- century! .
Two lie together in bed: She ( wearily ):.
- Again, I want you!.
He ( in his sleep ):.
- Lucky you.
- You do not know, yesterday in the movie suddenly ended tape, and the hall was completely dark for half an hour!.
- I can imagine what a panic!.
- Yeah! .
- The girl you're so thin! .
- No! .
A guy on his day off he took DR. Wife he had not said. And when she left for work, he ordered a prostitute home. And it just started tr %% amb, suddenly the door opens and a wife in the room, forgetting the house phone.
Wife: - And now you tell me?.
Husband: - You will not believe! .
The girl - the guy:.
- Yes, you are generally only a member of the think!.
- At the point that men think - women generally a hole.
- Because we have a more profound thoughts.
My husband comes home from the south and his wife suddenly notices that he has small horns on his head lurking. She was surprised he said:.
- How so, my dear, I swear to you that while you're resting, never cheated on you do not! .
And her husband replied:.
- Do not worry, I know it's not you.
I'm a good girl. Mat does not swear, do not drink, do not smoke, with the bad companies do not go. But I have a split personality, and sometimes I dwell Fedor. And he starts to thump.
A man has resorted to the hotel and shouted:.
- What is it? .
Administrator glumly looks at the guy and says:.
- What do you, like that for $ 10 a night we'll fight bulls in the room showed?.
The first wedding night, the couple lie in bed, candles, romance, beauty. Suddenly:- My dear, you know, I'm still a virgin and this. his. shmekse. Sex did not know. Tell me, how is it?.
Her husband, excited such a question:.
- Of course, swallow my! . Now we take sadim and imprisoned, in the so -.
So went the first time, the young fell on the pillow, happy, relaxing, young, full of excitement:.
- Nice. but it seems to me, a prisoner escaped from jail.
- Yes? .
Once again, this time in other positions, etc. Dr.. After the next time her husband is no drops on the pillow, breathing heavily, his last legs reaching for cigarette. Suddenly he hears:.
- Nice. cute! .
The man nervously shouting:.
- Your mother, but because he did not give a life!.
...
Armenian Radio asked:.
- Can happen to the global hunger?.
Armenian Radio:.
- Maybe if the Chinese start eating with spoons.
December, you all know that winter is you? .
When I'm cool programmer, I will create a network of antisocial. There are all originally friends, and friends of the need to remove the.
It is indicative of day February 4.
It turns out that for Putin on Poklonnaya Hill met ordinary people in mink coats, and against him in the Swamp area, bolonievye jacket. It turns out that ' Bologna ' in the cold helped to stand 3 hours, and only the mink 1:00.
Conversation between two future engineers:.
- Know how to hold the hammer, so as not to hit my thumb?.
-??.
- Two hands.
This diplomat, always knows what to ask when you do not know what to say.
In Liechtenstein, only two officers: Good and Evil.
If you are lucky with my husband, it does not mean that he was also lucky.
Black boy white mother asks:.
- Mom, why are you white, white grandmother, grandfather, white, all white, and I'm black??.
- Oh, boy, when I remember that party - well, that does not bark!.
Nothing increases the number of officials, as their growing children.
Women only think about what men think of only one.
Two friends talking:.
- I suspect that my wife has gotten worse for me to treat.
- What is it expressed?.
- Every day she ties the tighter I tie.
- Maybe it's a coincidence?.
- I thought so too. But today, she tried to lather.
Cup of ice fishing on the seventh day, the team closed the drug treatment.
Announcement of the Internet ' traffic police strongly recommends that owners of private vehicles to cancel trips to private cars and use public transport '.
Comment: ' I tried. Bus driver fights, swearing obscenely, but the wheel does not start up! .
If during the interview did not turn on the lights, you can save not only electricity but also in cosmetics.
People with a big heart love funny noisy companies, so they tend to have a liver and a large.
As the bus sat two men, at first behave quietly. Then one begins to shout:.
- Chief, we 're going to.
The driver calmly:.
- The usual route, which was at number 11 bus.
A man thinks a moment, and then give a second slap:.
- I told you that this is - 11 number, and you all - yes doubles doubles!.
At the sale there were puzzles for blondes. They are sold in the assembled view of the need to disassemble and.
There comes a neighbor to neighbor, and says:.
- Give me a bucket of water from the well, Semyonitch Semyonitch!.
- Fuck you? .
Neighbor:.
- Well, what do you feel sorry for what?.
Well, he gave him a bucket of water, five minutes later again resorted Cries for Water, gathering and goes, and so five times.
Again resort:.
- Give me another bucket, I beg you!.
Semyonitch:.
- Fuck you so much water? .
- Yes stsuko mother-in-law fell down a well!.
- So what?.
- Because there are so finely that the neck is in the water, two buckets do not have enough!.
The ideal relationship - if you are quarreling as husband and wife chatting like best friends, flirting like a 16- year-olds and care about each other as brother and sister!.
To keep the peace in the family needs love, affection, patience, respect, understanding. Well, two computers, of course.
My wife - her husband:.
-. Or do you already think I'm blind and complete fool!.
- Honey, well, why we are so over slander: you're not blind!.
One boy in my room cleaned up since then, until he stumbled on the homeless.
- You are a parasite!.
- But how could you? .
- dichlorvos.
King of Nepal has issued a decree:.
'. The people of Nepal is the one who was conceived by Nepalese and Nepalese. '.
Girl, I'm sorry, you dyed blonde, or natural fool?.
- Your name?.
- Puk Puk -.
- How - how?.
- Do not Like - How and Puck - Puck!.
- Hey, Bartender, pour me the brandy!.
- What?.
- Get out of the five-star.
The bartender pours. A visitor drinks - and drops dead.
The bartender draws a sixth star on the label.
In such severe frosts birds need help man. So today I left in the trough in the yard of 200 rubles.
ad. Rock band performing pagan - black -metal trugot required: rhythm guitar, lead guitarist, bass guitarist, keyboardist, drummer, vocalist, chords, sheet music, lyrics, harmony, and the Holy Grail inflatable Lenin, and a psychiatrist.
I am not only a magician, I am treated more.
Wife: - I want you to be scored at my gate!.
Husband: - Then Blow the whistle and the game begins!.
Policeman stopping Bentley thinks: ' wing in the country provided me '.
Policeman stopping Mercedes thinks: ' Buy my wife a mink coat '.
Policeman stopping the Volga thinks: ' I'll give Petrovich debt '.
Policeman stopping Zaporozhets thinks: ' On zakuson enough'.
Policeman stopping Oku thinks: ' I will put her son in a piggy bank '.
- Hello, Kohl Call the phone!.
- And now, little Kolya is not in itself.
- Why?.
- Because he is now a little bit of me.
phone call. The tube takes the father of three daughters and hears:.
- Is that you, my frog?.
- No. It is the owner of the pond.
- I like it a hell.
- What is it?.
- Which shares her ass in two halves!.
Two babes talking about fashion:.
- But the men's long coat - it's the devil knows what! .
A telephone call.
- Hello, tell me, I went to the morgue?.
- No, you're still here still call.
- A newspaper advertisements yield results?.
- Of course! .
- Dad, Dad. I found an ax!.
- Bring him here, son!.
- Yes, it is flawed and without the ax!.
- Well, then put where he took is not good to take someone else's stuff!.
- Sergey, what took you so long with my wife say?.
- You, Kohl, have no idea what she is stupid! . To me even the migrant workers came and asked him to unload the rubble, thought I was the foreman.
This is fucking awesome.
When, after a thirty- degree frost, leave on 10 and think, ' Hmmm, and now the heat '.
At the construction site concrete slab from the crane breaks down, hits the ceiling, blowing away the carrier beam and then three floors of the building collapsing. Foreman scratched his head and says:.
- That's what I understand, tetris.
The wife tells her husband over breakfast:.
- In vain we're opposed to that-be daughter made piercing. Since then, she vdela a nose ring, I became much easier to pick it up at school!.
xxx: you made a human for a session?.
yyy: pen bought.
Anyone who has seen srach in my room automatically goes to the next level of friendship.
Love 's keeper overdone ass boy who stole apples.
The teacher of geography Lyudmila Petrovna Ivanova asked to show Rome. In the evening a couple, leaving everything behind, flew to the city of love.
Our guest is a psychiatrist Marina Petrovna.
- Marina Petrovna, tell me how to extract the dominant from the chaos of frenzied thoughts?.
- X ** d znaaet, try as it should smoke a lot and think about Schmal experiments.
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